“Am I being an arsehole for saying that I won’t work the extra Saturdays?”
A younger vet friend was facing a tricky situation at work: her initial terms of employment said one Saturday per month, but people quit or got pregnant or burnt out – you know what it’s like – and now one Saturday has become two, with occasional last-minute panicked requests for an extra hand on additional days. (If you’ve run a practice, you’ll have complete empathy for the people who are panicking and asking!)
It’s a great question
It’s a great question: where IS the line between being a committed team player and a doormat? Because if you care about your workplace, your colleagues, and your patients, you’ll likely pick up the slack. But to what extent?
The answer isn’t black and white
It’s not a black-and-white answer. A good working relationship definitely involves some sacrifice. You try to accommodate each other’s needs.
It’s a bit like a marriage: in broad terms, you like each other. Not always, but your goals and values align; you respect each other and are willing to compromise. So sometimes you do stuff that you don’t like because you believe that it’s worth it in the long run. Because you care. So you do the dishes, change the nappies, and put up with hair in the shower drain. Or, in your work relationship, maybe you work that Saturday.
BUT, it has to be a two-way street. If one person does all the compromising, the relationship will likely end eventually.
Setting boundaries
So, how do you know when you are setting healthy boundaries or just being selfish?
I don’t have a clear answer, but I think these are some good questions to ask to help you figure it out:
- Are the requests to compromise REQUESTS or expectations?
- Is it a short-term thing? Are these types of requests occasional, or is it the norm? Is there a pattern of asking for a finger and then taking the hand? Watch out for the slow creep of resentment, where you say yes, and you say yes, and you say yes, and then you wake up one day and, to your disappointment, you find that you hate work.
- Is it reciprocal? Is there give-and-take? Remember that this goes both ways. The changing vet job market has created some tyrannical employees, which is no better than a boss who takes and never gives.
- Is there a built-in negotiation with some gesture of compensation or at least acknowledgement of your extra effort?
- Is there a long-term plan? Is the request a short-term solution with a clear endpoint, or will it just be the new normal because one of the parties has solved the problem?
- Can you visualise your long-term ability to tolerate what is being asked? If you can’t, then you might be the person who says yes because you don’t have the courage to say no but then quits a year or two later, vs. the person who says, “I can’t work as many Saturdays” but is still there five years from now, doing good work.
So it’s worth considering who’s really being the #*$hole?
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