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If you’re a female leader, you’re probably nodding.
I don’t want another whinge about being a victim of the patriarchy; I am not and never will be someone who accepts the way the world is or sits back and gossips about it without taking action. But I do want to put data and clarity to the double bind we face; the tricky balancing act between being assertive enough to earn respect, yet gentle enough to stay likable.
It’s exhausting.
And it’s not me ‘harping on about past injustices’ like someone on LinkedIn recently told me.
Research shows this is still very much alive and kicking. In one famous study, identical essays were judged more harshly when attributed to women, regardless of quality.
Another looked at police chief hiring decisions and found that when the imaginary “female” candidate’s CV had more education, and the “male” candidate had more experience or vice versa, biases flipped depending on who had which advantage. Criteria seemed to stretch to fit a preferred outcome, and then they justified the reasoning after the fact. Controlled blind experiment shows these biases are NOT a thing of the past.
The ‘double-bind’ refers to women simultaneously being expected to apply male-attributed traits to their leadership in order to be considered competent, but are universally rated as less likeable when they do.
At a corporate gathering of General Manager peers, I shared a straightforward idea. It barely got a nod. Two hours later, a male colleague repeated it (less eloquently if I do say so myself) and there was general agreement that it was an innovative way of thinking and a little bit of back-patting… I literally laughed out loud, it was so blatant (so I guess maybe did fall into the hysterical women stereotype for a moment).
I’ve equally been called bossy for stepping up in a leadership vacuum (any one else hate the everyone being too nice to say anything other than “I don’t mind where we go for dinner” around in circles until you want to gnaw your own arm off?), and been called standoffish because I don’t especially like hugs let alone believe I should give one in a meeting when the men are all exchanging handshakes.
Our industry is overwhelmingly female, yet leadership skews male. That gap isn’t coincidence.
So what do we do?
We need to shift the conversation from blaming individuals to changing systems: mentorship programs that actually mentor women, unbiased leadership training (or, frankly as biased as you like, since some things for women really are better taught by women), diverse panels at conferences, and a critical look at how we evaluate leaders.
And we all, women and men, need to check our own biases.
We ALL think we’re objective. I’ve watched men AND women make clearly biased statements or decisions, and preface it with how they pride themselves on being an ally. We all think we’ve overcome these subconscious biases but the research is pretty clear that 95% of us haven’t – we’ve just hidden them a little deeper.
So go deeper at challenging ANY time you are frustrated with a leader, disagree with a comment, want to think someone is being aggressive. Are we rating likability over competence? Are we unconsciously holding women to impossible standards?
This isn’t just a gender gripe. It’s a reminder in the age of “shall we undo decades of work towards equality because some of it is annoying” that we didn’t even GET to equality before we started dismantling it.
In the mean time, hit me up if you want leadership support from someone who is at least aware of my biases and has some experience navigating through it, feel free to reach out!
Dr Jess Moore-Jones is an occasional vet, a challenge-the-status-quo type of business owner, a no BS-consultant, and an engaged mum (except at 5am when she's a very mediocre mum). Having led teams large and small, from animal shelters to zoo departments to specialist hospitals, Jess is slightly annoyingly obsessed with keeping vets engaged, fulfilled and resilient in our profession. After a leadership career of transforming toxic cultures, reducing staff burnout, and helping nurture the self-awareness of young leaders, Dr Jess decided that she could support more vets by bringing her skills to any organisation that had the courage to recognise that they needed some help. Now she runs Unleashed Coaching and Consulting, with the sole aim of Keeping Veterinary Professionals in the Veterinary Profession. Unleashed works with veterinary teams, individuals and leaders to build resilient teams, engaged cultures, and thriving businesses without any of the academic psychobabble or politically correct but unrealistic advice you could have googled.
Connect with Jessica:
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