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We live in a world that rewards speed. Quick decisions, quick replies, quick judgements.
Our brains are wired for it too. Daniel Kahneman’s famous research showed that our “fast brain” is constantly racing ahead – forming opinions, solving problems, and finishing other people’s sentences before they’ve even stopped talking. It’s an inherent ability that’s useful when dodging traffic, but not so useful when you’re trying to truly connect with another human being.
And connection is what listening is really about.
Most of us were told to listen as children, but few of us were ever taught how.
Listening is active, vulnerable, and deliberate. It’s resisting the “advice monster” that leaps to offer solutions before we’ve even understood the real issue. It’s holding back from making conversations into a competition of stories. It’s setting aside the multitasking that signals disinterest and replacing it with presence that makes another person feel valued.
At its best, listening is not just about absorbing words – it’s about making someone feel heard. People rarely remember what you said, but they always remember how you made them feel.
One surprisingly simple way is through asking better questions. Not the kind that are designed to trap, accuse, or redirect the conversation back to ourselves, but questions that emerge from genuine curiosity.
There’s a small but powerful rule that helps here: the “Rule of 3.” Don’t stop at the polite opener – ask two follow-up questions that directly reflect what the other person just said. If they mention tennis, don’t pivot to your own weekend; ask where they played or whether they play competitively. These small, attentive nudges do more than show interest; they force us to slow down, engage our “slow brain,” and actually listen.
And then there’s the type of questions we ask:
Perhaps the greatest irony is that listening and questioning, two of the most powerful tools we have for building relationships, are also the least taught. We assume they come naturally, when in fact they require practice; they are skills that improve with conscious effort.
In an era where distraction is the norm and attention is currency, choosing to listen well and ask better questions is almost a radical act. It slows down the conversation, dismantles assumptions, and creates space for understanding.
And in that space, trust grows. Respect grows. Relationships grow.
After all, communication isn’t about having the best answers. It’s about asking the right questions and exercising the patience to truly hear the response.
Dr Gary Turnbull is a veterinarian, international speaker, and Director at Lincoln Institute of Veterinary Business. He is widely recognised as a coach, presenter, and facilitator in veterinary leadership, practice management, and business strategy. With a strong interest in personal leadership, interpersonal communication, and non-clinical professional mastery, Gary has presented extensively across Australia, New Zealand, Southeast Asia, and the United States. Gary joined Lincoln Institute in 2014 and the following year delivered the AVBA ‘On The Move’ series, ‘Leading Change in Your Practice.’ He also developed the internationally delivered Goldmine Veterinary Dental Program. Across a 20-year clinical career, Gary worked as a companion animal veterinarian and Director of East Port Veterinary Hospital, a multiple award-winning ASVA Accredited Hospital of Excellence on the mid-north coast of New South Wales. He graduated with first-class honours from the University of Sydney. Today, Gary focuses on educating and empowering veterinary business owners and professionals to take charge of their practices, careers, and lives through the programs delivered by Lincoln. When he’s not working, Gary can usually be found near the ocean searching for the perfect wave.
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