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“Don’t tell anyone, but I want to end it all”. These are words none of us wants to hear. Why? Because often we feel incredibly uncomfortable with being faced with the responsibility of responding, and also because we don’t know what to say or how to respond.
First of all, clarify what they mean. Don’t be afraid to ask them if they are contemplating suicide. Yes – you might feel weird or uncomfortable asking this, but it’s also important not to make assumptions or play it down. Sometimes the mention of suicide can be a reality check for some people and may make them think twice.
Take any threat seriously. Even if they say “I was only joking”, I would strongly recommend you don’t just take their word for it or play it down. Talk to them and tell them you’re concerned for their wellbeing.
Make sure that your, their, and others’ immediate safety isn’t at risk. If you feel they are at imminent risk, seek help from your colleagues and call emergency services (police/ambulance) to tell them what is happening – see list below.
Be aware of the facts and myths around suicide. For example, it is a myth that those who talk about it are only ‘attention seeking’ or not really serious. Many people talk about it AND act on it.
Again, any mention of suicide should be taken seriously.
A ‘suicide checklist’ can entail:
a) Asking them if they have a plan in place – that is, have they already got it all planned out? This can include asking if they know how they will do it when they will do it, and where they will do it
b) Asking them if they have the resources needed to carry through with it?
c) Asking if they have anyone with them at the moment (if you’re communicating via phone or online)?
If they answered no to a) and b), and yes to c), they MAY be low risk.
If they answered yes to a) or b), and yes to c), they MAY be at moderate risk
If they answered yes to a) and b), and no to c), they MAY be at high risk and at imminent danger of attempting suicide – if so, call for help immediately.
Unless your own safety is at risk, it is suggested that you do not leave the suicidal person alone. Either remain with them yourself or have someone else stay with them until qualified help can be sought.
While it can be very stressful talking to someone who is suicidal, it is important to try and remain as calm as possible.
Let them know (and help them to source it if appropriate) relevant support outlets that are available such as their GP, acute care team at the hospital, psychologist, psychiatrist, qualified counsellor, Lifeline, Suicide Call-Back line etc. (see list below)
Try and reassure them that what they are currently experiencing may be temporary, and they don’t want to make an impulsive and permanent decision about a temporary problem.
Ask if they realise that if they are successful, there is no coming back – often suicidal people want an immediate escape from whatever they are going through, and falsely think they can ‘come back’ after the pain is gone. However, unfortunately, if they are successful, there is no coming back.
Remember, if someone does carry through with their threat and you have done your best to try to persuade them not to, don’t take this on board yourself. If you have genuinely tried to help and support them within your capacity and means, then this is quite possibly all you can do.
Remember, it is THEIR choice, regardless of whether we agree with it or not.
Dr Nadine Hamilton is a psychologist who spent over six years researching veterinarian wellbeing at a doctoral level. Her research investigated why the rate of suicide in this profession is so high as well as developing an evidence-based psycho-educational intervention program. Nadine has since commenced new doctoral research (PhD) to extend her research into veterinary wellbeing and works exclusively with the veterinary profession. Positive Psych Solutions is her boutique psychology practice that is also home to the revolutionary intervention program "The Coping & Wellbeing Program for Veterinary Professionals".
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